Tuesday, October 9, 2012
The newest family member!
Welcome to the family you sweet little boy. You will learn that your family can be loud, unruly and more than a little inappropriate at times, but we've got your back!
You will always have a shoulder to cry on, arms to hold you, someone to cheer for you and with you, an ear to hear you, a hand to help you, and a heart to love you forever.
Nana
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Here we go!
Pulling stuff together for malpractice/medical negligence suit has brought all the emotions back to the surface. Broken again, damn it!
If it takes me the rest of my days on this earth, someone will be held accountable for the shoddy care my mother received! No one should go into the hospital for a minor knee repair and come out dead 10 weeks later.
If it takes me the rest of my days on this earth, someone will be held accountable for the shoddy care my mother received! No one should go into the hospital for a minor knee repair and come out dead 10 weeks later.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Too little, too late.
I haven't posted anything new for a while and thought maybe I should explain.
I thought I would plow my way through this nightmare and get on with my life. I was very wrong. I have been hit with the most overwhelming depression. I don't make it through a single day without breaking at some point. The sense of loss and feelings of guilt mixed with the anger at the whole situation have beaten me down and made me much older than I am. Every single day I wake up and there it is. Sorrow. Overwhelming, unrelenting sorrow and guilt.
I often find myself wishing that I had some sort of religious faith. It would be easier if I thought that I would see Mom again, that she could tell me she forgives me. Sometimes I think how great it would be if I knew she and Christopher were having a laugh somewhere but I don't really believe it. My mother is dead and gone and she shouldn't be!
The worst part is knowing that she trusted me to take care of her and I failed. I don't know what else I could have done, but I can't stop feeling that I should have done something more. Now I live in the land of could've, should've, would've. I could have gotten her out of Jefferson Hospital sooner. I should have made her move when the signs were so bad. I would've moved mountains if I had known what was coming.
So I sit here and cry again. It's 5:30 in the morning and I am taking another antidepressant just to try and make it through the day.
Too little, too late.
V
I thought I would plow my way through this nightmare and get on with my life. I was very wrong. I have been hit with the most overwhelming depression. I don't make it through a single day without breaking at some point. The sense of loss and feelings of guilt mixed with the anger at the whole situation have beaten me down and made me much older than I am. Every single day I wake up and there it is. Sorrow. Overwhelming, unrelenting sorrow and guilt.
I often find myself wishing that I had some sort of religious faith. It would be easier if I thought that I would see Mom again, that she could tell me she forgives me. Sometimes I think how great it would be if I knew she and Christopher were having a laugh somewhere but I don't really believe it. My mother is dead and gone and she shouldn't be!
The worst part is knowing that she trusted me to take care of her and I failed. I don't know what else I could have done, but I can't stop feeling that I should have done something more. Now I live in the land of could've, should've, would've. I could have gotten her out of Jefferson Hospital sooner. I should have made her move when the signs were so bad. I would've moved mountains if I had known what was coming.
So I sit here and cry again. It's 5:30 in the morning and I am taking another antidepressant just to try and make it through the day.
Too little, too late.
V
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A few More from Meghan
Mom (middle right)
A few pictures from Meghan
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
My letter to Aunt Pam
My Dearest Auntie Pam,
I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to write to you. I have no real excuse other than to say that my heart had been torn open, and it is starting to heal just a bit now. I hope you are well, and being well cared for. You are the last true jewel of the family and should be treated as such!
I have sent copies of all the things from Mum's memorial service. I'm sorry that you were unable to come, but we all felt you there. It gave us some comfort knowing that even half a world away you were there for us. Our family may bend, but we cannot be broken no matter how far apart we may be.
Mum's service was as she requested. Don Marsten spoke of her quite lovingly and eloquently, and then read a short synopsis of her life that she had prepared at some point and left where I would find it. I have included a copy of both of these with the other things from her service. The family all wore red, white and blue ribbons out of respect for Mum. I have included one of these as well. She was a true patriot, and she instilled that love of America in all of us. Her casket was beautiful. It was white with bronze accents, and beautiful pink English Roses on the corners and one on the inside center of the lid. It had lovely soft pink velvet lining. I think Mum would have approved.
I want to share with you something that Meghan wrote about Mum. It's just a short piece, but I think it describes Mum very well.
My mom wasn't the touchy feely kind.
Well, she could be, but wasn't always.
Mom told you how it is.
Had no patience for ignorance.
Knew how things should be and made them that way.
Took care of herself.
Didn't believe in excuses.
Was beautiful.
Demanded respect.
She was strong.
She knew who she was.
She was strong.
She knew who she was.
I think that really captures the essence of Mum. I will miss her every day for the rest of my life. I still want to call her on the telephone and tell her about my day, or tell her some funny thing Lauren said. I still cry every day at the wrongness of the whole thing. I allow myself my few moments of grief, and then I straighten my shoulders, take a deep breath and move forward as Mum would have expected me to. I couldn't have asked for a better Mother. She was an excellent teacher. Day by day and step by step, no matter the circumstance, she led us and taught us by example. I hope she was as proud of us as we were of her. Because of her I am an intelligent, strong, confident, compassionate and loving human being. It gives me a wonderful sense of pride when I say “ I am Enid's daughter”.
Love always,
Vanessa
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Pictures coming
I am taking a bunch of pictures to Walgreens this weekend to have them put on a disk since my scanner is dead.
Monday, April 25, 2011
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